sitting here waiting for the vacation time to kick start. 

my throat hurts from an overdose of burning sage.

life is grand guys.

there are things a desire and one day i will have them. 

life is grand..

today i got to see trisha, tristan, aura, and ava... always makes the day brighter.

ava is crazy, screaming and cursing at her internet and it makes me respect her more for it. 

ps.. whoever peaches is.. she needs to stop making noise.. 

let me tempt you out of yourself
let me lurk deep down inside
let me haunt your sweetest dreams
i'll make you want to run and hide

hide from that harsh light
of that realm you know as reality
make you weep and long for
a sense of peace and totality

i am evasive, your greatest downfall

you opened your mouth,
but it is my voice
you made the decision,
but i am disguised as your choice
-end-

Tags: poem
Current Location: work
Current Mood: drained
Current Music: incubus

dearest lady, o heartfelt one!
embrace for impact.
your technicolored world
is coliding with the sun.

stick your so-called "truth" in your pocket
deny it like everything else. No one is looking..
(Or so you think)
you truely believe your sanity isn't on the brink?

Embrace yourself for impact,
this ones gonna hurt.
(Or it should at least)
but nothing in your reality is as it should seem
your palpable denial is like a neverending dream.

but dearest lady, wake up!
hold on to your morals tight
for it will not be  gentle 
when you fade into the night
-end-

an ode to trisha kay:

your magic eclipses the redundant mainstream we face day to day,
forgive me for sounding almost fanatical with these words i say:
there is no light compared to the one you cast.
a breath of fresh air to this weary and bored soldier
and it comes and goes, almost too fast.

do not let the demons overtake your majestic soul,
hold tight to the strength,
and inhale that everlasting faith
that i place in you.

and know when the darkest of shadows fall,
i will do my best 
to rid the worst,
when the devil makes his call.
-end-

Tags: poem
Current Location: home as always
Current Music: no music today

I feel like I have been shown something. Almost like an alternative way of living or simply just viewing things.  I feel as if I went somewhere completely magical and free and now I am stuck in this world that is nothing compared to it. I want to say that this cold reality I am in is ugly but that is not the truth. I think it is my weak mind that is ugly. I constantly give in to these meaningless things that surround me. It is time to put this change into practical application.

Work: A way to make money. A way to pay for my car. My car makes traveling and adventures a lot easier. Bike riding to hollywood for banana walnut pancakes does not seem practical.

Traffic: Sometimes makes me angry. It is time to put aside the road rage and relax. At least I am not bike riding all the time.

Friends: I have a few. So dear to me. They make the air so much better to breath.

Politics: Oh how it and people involved rile me up. This guy told me he was voting for Fred Thompson  and asked me with attitude if I was a Hillary fan. Obviously I said no and he said he liked Fred because he was an actor and a  good nominee. I told him to stop being so damn American. Besides he might as well like Hillary if fame is something he prioritizes.
Oh I am ranting now. Far from being at peace.. anyways.

Food: Something that is capable of tasting so good. 
I hate food. Food is an evil snake that makes the true Los Angeles resident come out from within me, when will these shallow qualms end?!

Painting: I love to streak with colour my feelings down on canvas. The smell and texture make me feel at home.

Music: Brings my spirit to life!

 

I want to have my priorities straight. I want to find inner peace and freedom on a different level. I think there are a few people who can help me and soon I think together we will be embarking on a beautiful adventure towards this goal and perhaps a few more I have not event thought of yet. I miss you guys so badly..

 

Tags: peace
Current Location: home
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: pj harvey

I went into a faraway place in my mind. At first I was very alone and the inner co-dependent part of myself wished I had someones hand to hold during all of it. I had a sudden realization and I whispered aloud: "I am alone." and I could not help but smile so big and so sincerely. For once I realized that I am alone and I am okay. I went to many places in my mind, the one that is most memerable was the tree I visited.  It was enormous. And beautiful. I was sitting on one of the branches, leaned back and completely at peace with myself. My whole entire surrounding were a pale yellow with a little orange. The best I can compare it to is the tree in ferngully ha. And that is also the appropriate size comparison. The branch I was on was the width of my bed. I remember looking up and that is when I felt connected to Trisha Kay and Tristan. We were together on this spiritual plane, and occasionally I would float back down to reality and realize that physically we were very far apart. But it did not matter. The physical realm did not matter. It was not the truth. I also realized i know nothing, i know nothing of expanding my mind and discovering the many places I can go to mentally. When I was with Trisha and Tristan we were in this large bed, laying down completely comfortable and laughing and sighing and smiling. Everything was in this orange hue. I cannot stress enough the difference between the cold physical and the warm spiritual plane with them. Somehow I mustered up the energy to text Avalon a few times. I told her to tell them they are my home. But in my heart I knew they already knew that in their hearts and I felt for a moment I was being redundant. Avalon texted me back saying that Trisha felt as if I have been there the whole time. And I smilied because right before she sent that I was feeling so close to them so unbearably close and it was so overwhelming. That message made everything even more beautiful. For most of the night my eyes were closed. As intrigued as I was with what I could see when I opened my eyes, the beauty of that was nothing compared to the mental and spiritual treks I was embarking on. When Iopened my cell phone bright thin strips of light would escape it and dance around my bed, little dots of light sparkled like the stars above my head. My hand would trail in front of my as I tried to touch them. Everything in my room blurred softly together as if it were one large white and pure watercolor painting. 
The tree I spoke about it something essential in my life now. I remember when I went their I whispered "I found you, you are what I have been looking for.."  And it was. I know what it means in my heart, in my very core of my spirit, but there is no way I can exlpain it. And i do not feel as if I need to.

Current Mood: peaceful